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Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Portrait of an ENFP

Instead of working on my article this morning, I went online and took the Myers-Briggs personality trait test. Why would I do this, you ask? Answer: Either because I am a masochist... or because I wanted printed proof that I am not a lunatic.

Case in point: apparently I am an Extraverted Intuitive Feeling Perceiver [ENFP] (seriously, that’s what they call it). What this means is that I have the fabulous tendency to move from job to job, have constant worry about my Place in the World, and tirelessly seek out new experiences to fulfill my restless soul.

On a lighter note: "ENFPs are warm, enthusiastic people, typically very bright and full of potential (My teachers were right!). They live in the world of possibilities (Of course I'm going to be a famous writer!), and can become very passionate and excited about things (I am moving to Peru to teach English!)."

On the bright side, this test did come back saying that the number one career choice for us restless ENFPs is Journalist/Reporter. So that's something.

(See Mom, I’m just normal for my personality type!)

Monday, September 24, 2007

This job is making me fat.

I made a resolution to stop eating carbs. The way my jeans are fitting, I should truly make a resolution to stop eating... but I get cranky on a diet of water and lettuce (Lord knows how those celebrities manage). So I'm sticking to meat and cheese, topped with more cheese, in an effort to slim down.

The reason behind this crash carb-cutting diet?

A bikini and a professional photographer.

Yes, folks, my dream of being America's Next Top Model is finally being realized! Oh wait, no that's a different fantasy...

The real reason for my sugar protest is actually this: the 22-year old cocktail waitresses I work with (those skinny little bitches) have dreamed up the brilliant idea to have a photo shoot. A CAR WASH-themed photo shoot (the skinny little bitches)! I now have 2 weeks to drop these 370 extra pounds of beer gut so that this adventure doesn't turn out looking like we've gone on safari, with yours truly posing as the hippo splashing around in the background.

I did mention cutting out carbs, correct? Ah yes... so, first thing to go is the beer. (It hurts just typing that). I have made a pact, enlisting an equally alcoholic friend as my wingman, to stay dry for the next 2 weeks. So far, I have made it almost 4 waking hours and am feeling quite refreshingly sober (check back with me in another 12--it may be a different story).

Although that last paragraph makes me sound like I have a drinking problem, my real issue is with sweets. Deliciously sugary melt-in-your-mouth chocolaty sweets. (A moment of silence, please).

Step 2 of Kelly's Carb-Free Fling: no sugar.

Fade to my newest magazine assignment from my editor (the skinny little bitch): A profile of the city's hottest (wait for it)... Pastry Chefs.

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Diet Day One: Bionda commits gluttonal suicide in an orgy of fluffy dough and sticky toffee tortes.